The Scarlet Letter
By: Nathaniel Hawthorne Modernised and edited by Jim McGuiggan (2004)
By: Nathaniel Hawthorne Modernised and edited by Jim McGuiggan (2004)
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People were made to love and be loved! They weren’t made to be "doormats". And to adopt the view that we were made to be doormats is neither biblical nor healthy. There aren’t many things more sleazy and sickening than some bully (using the various tools that bullies use—emotional, economic, verbal, physical or other weapons) driving a victim to near breaking point and then to complain if their victim fights back. "I thought you were a Christian," they whine if the one they’re beating stands up to them.
So what then? Should we endure nothing? I don’t believe that. Well, what should we endure and how much should we endure? I don’t think anyone can give you a satisfying answer to that.
Much will depend on the complexity of the situation. For example, if beloved and vulnerable children are involved a parent/spouse will choose not to walk away from the hurt. Construct your own illustration—it’s easy, because actual cases are happening all around us every day. To tell some abused husband/wife/parent/child to walk away from the hurt might mean they’d hurt in other inconsolable ways.
Much will depend on the strength of the individual facing the continuing abuse. Some poor souls are made of more sensitive stuff than the rest of us (that’s no criticism!) and for them every cruel word cuts like a knife, every hour of isolation is like being entombed or every slap goes far beyond a physical trauma. When people like this come for advice or comfort, they’re coming because they’re desperate and hover on the edge of the abyss. Other souls (for various reasons) are emotionally strong and while they have no pleasure in their mistreatment, they reflect on it and in a strong calmness tell themselves, "I can handle this." If they come for advice or to lance the boil they don’t come in desperation. To speak to these in the same way we’d speak to the others is (probably) poor judgement.
Much will depend on the level and nature of the abuse. Imagine some awful level of abuse; imagine some unspeakable abuse and rest assured that it’s happening even as you read this. To think that generalised advice works for these tormented souls is close to stupidity.
Whether we like to believe it or not there are some situations so complex that people are trapped in them. There’s nothing they can do to change them. If they can be changed I for one (presuming I thought myself competent to judge in the specific matter) wouldn’t hesitate to urge the victim to change it.
So what of those that are in situations that can’t be changed (or changed at a cost that is as painful as the one they’re in)? Well, presuming that is the case, those sufferers need to be supported by those who are near at hand to give the various kinds of help that everyone needs in life. Presuming the situation cannot be changed, in addition to the continuous support and involvement of friends, I’m certain that these hurting people need to be enriched in their faith. External help where it’s available must and should be given, but inner strengthening is something the sufferer can go to sleep and wake in the morning with. I’ve no wish to be glib here! But to help people to believe that their suffering somehow works to bring God’s glorious and righteous agenda to completion is a gift beyond price.
Pay the victim’s electricity bill, make meals for them, take their children and care for them for a few hours to give the parent a break—this is all critically important. Be a "big brother" to the child, help the man to get a job, engage others with you in the easing of the victim’s pain—all vital, where it’s applicable. But, let me say it again, to help people to believe that their suffering somehow works to bring God’s glorious and righteous agenda to completion is a gift beyond price.
To let them know in a multitude of ways that what is happening to them is evil to the core and should stop, immediately, is part of the enrichment of their faith. But to teach them that as they faithfully endure their trouble that they are fighting God’s battle for him is not only profoundly true but profoundly helpful. Yes, of course, this is a complex matter; but so is their suffering, with or without explanation!
Paul writes (Colossians 3:22-24), "Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it not only when their eye is on you and to win their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Paul doesn’t suggest that everything is as it should be, or as it will be, but he does believe that because they are related to Christ in trust they can rise above the difficulty in their lives. Imagine, if you have the patience to do it—imagine a master beating a slave because he just feels like doing it. Imagine him screaming at him or her to get their work done and imagine when he returns he finds the job done better than well and the slave holding no grudge. Is that doable? Such stories have come down to us in their thousands; yes it’s doable and people have done it. They would go to the filthy cowshed and clean it and while they did it they would have a conversation with Someone who came to watch them working. And as he was leaving the Master would have said to the slave, "I’ll see you later, of course. By the way, great job on this shed." After that, it wouldn’t matter what the master would say, not really. This slave was no doormat; he/she had risen above that.
